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Henry Tyler
Having finished a successful ultimate career for magnUM with a run to Nationals, Henry decided that he still had plenty he could give to the program. When he informed magnUM of this they immediately asked if he would need a receipt, only to realize that Henry did not in fact intend to donate money, but instead donate his time. Not fully understanding that “time is money” is just a saying, Henry asked for a receipt for his valuable time, estimating his contribuitions as a coach were worth $1.5 million after giving magnUM a home team discount. The debate was settled when Henry had to take a phone call and left the negotiating table, thus he now works for free to better ultimate here at Michigan.
How could Henry not be a coach though, everything in his life points to it. He’s ready for it, he’s practically been an adult his whole life. A little known fact is that Henry was born without an inner or outer child. Fresh from the womb he cut his own umbilical cord with regular scissors, he was too old already for safety scissors. After that he trimmed his beard, as 9 months of growth would make anyone feel scraggly. He would later decline numerous invitations to Toys ‘R’ Us, choosing instead to go to adult places like the hardware store. So when you see yourself trying to match wits with Henry, just remember that he’s been outsmarting young pups like you for ages. Look for Henry to be contributing his sage wisdom to the young players of magnUM Reserve this year, so long as that doesn’t involve staying up past 10pm or intefere with reruns of The Beverly Hillbillies.
