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Derek Moen
Sophomore - #1
Nickname: Techmo
Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m pleased to introduce you to magnUM’s Mr. Everything. As in mister he can (and probably already has) done everything. D-Mo is the rookie who is revolutionizing the capability of a magnUM rookie. Unlike those other rookies who have a decent backhand or can jump pretty high, D-Mo has the 780% percent game. That’s right, two and one sixth’s revolutions of a game. Seriously, you don’t even understand. For most players, simply attempting to beat their mark is their entire focus of a point. D-Mo takes this to the next level. Pursuing his otherworldly skills in biochemistry and molecular biology, in the span of a single point he analyzes his mark’s DNA, determines the genetic weakness in the mark’s game, then calculates the optimal trajectory to leave them wondering just what began to happen. Meanwhile, he’s spiking the disc in the endzone.
It doesn’t stop there. D-Mo is more than winning with style. He takes practice to the next level too. Recently he used his digestive system to example the effects of peptic ulcers and mucosal erosions. Rumor has it he used himself as stage one of a clinical trial for the next wonderdrug, which will make you smarter, run faster, jump higher, improve circulation and of course conquer indigestion. I don’t know how the drug is going along, but I got smoked ten times as often as usual in practice. My particularly average synapses barely register the blur that flew over me for the sweet world-record-long-jump-into-layout-bid-continuation-scoober-before-hitting-the-ground. And that was his third one in practice.
So basically what I’m saying is you want to be like D-Mo when you grow up. I do.
